CFL Week 8 View from the Rafters

Week 8:  The Pointening!

Week 8! My team is awful! I’m awful! Personal crisis!

The Loose Ends vs Leather and Lacy

I’ve had a string of sub 80 point matches, so it is somewhat concerning that i may be moving to a league where guys who have 98.50 totals STILL lose. The Loose Ends took Stafford and Watkins’ totals and waved them proudly in an effort to take focus away from the guy in the middle, shitheel Brandon Marshall, who has been an absolute disappointment this year (I know because I have him! Hahaha *tears*). RBs did not  provide much this week for the Loose Ends, and the incredibly difficult pill to swallow was Cooks 21.80 contribution to the bench.  

On the naughtier side of things, Leather and Lacy had TWO positions register zero points and still came out with an epic point total. I suspect this was Kenny’s way of supporting his sister’s team, the Big Gronks, by showing her that a team CAN win with two positions that don’t do anything.

                                                  Their eyes say “we’ve been through some shit”

 Only Foles rush in VS Victorius Secret

I just…what? 141 points?  It’s taken me like, 3 weeks to get that! I don’t have much to say on this end, because it’s like a child trying to explain particle physics.  I don’t know what’s happening here.  I’m a little frightened, and a little turned on.

 

Coming back down to my level, Victorious Secret had a few good showings from Ryan, Hillman, and Buffalo, but the rest couldn’t bring the heat to contend against the freak of nature Only Foles this week. Maybe if we allowed tag teaming, where one team could add their points to another?  That’s all the help I can give Secrets…This was not a bout to be won by one man.

Suicidal Bunnies VS The Big Gronkowski

Y’know what’s harsh?  I can’t say shit about Big Gronks because we share 11th place in our respective leagues.  I’d like to think 11th place in the NFL is a sizeably prouder depression than CFL’s 11th place, but I don’t know anymore. Speaking of depression, thank you for winning this week, Bunnies.  I would have had to show the sad bunny, but instead I get to do this!

Awesome.  Look how much better that is.  Thanks go to Luck, Crosby, and…eh that’s basically it.

 

Plaxicos Thigh versus Emma’s Peachs

WHAAAAAAT!? Forget that statement about 98 points and still losing.  138 points and still losing is fucking straight up terrifying. Almost 300 points between you in one game.  I…It’s a thing of beauty. I guess Olsen and Nelson were the black sheep in an otherwise expertly crafted line up from both teams.  Can we give you both trophies this week?

                                                 Or just cover you both in gold spray paint? Cool?

Evil Equestranauts VS The Crew Sluts

Hey! The Crew Sluts won!

Happy? Suprised? Scared? Yes.

 Save for Manning and Tate (I said that last week!) Everyone on the Evil E’s did not show up.  4 players contributed less then 5 points each.  In a week where there are hundreds and hundreds of points being thrown around, this will not cut it.

The Crew Sluts were either stupidly smart, or stupidly lucky.  The WR/RB positions were all under projection, wait sorry. Richardson met his projection: 0.00. Good for him. Luckily (I think i just answered my own question), Miller and Fitzgerald had huge games, which pushed the Sluts to one of two wins this season!

The Bobbum Men VS Touchdown Syndrome

This has just gotten scarier the farther down the list I go.  Holy shit Bobbum.  Take your pick man, you’re worthy of any of these appropriate nicknames:

 

Or just take them all, your full name could be:  Mañana Fizzbitch Turbobuns. Wow.

Touchdown Syndrome  didn’t have a bad game, but didn’t have the statistical point equivalent to a kid with ALL the ADHD. Hilton had a great game, Bernard came back a bit, but otherwise it was slightly subpar.  I can’t even judge harshly though, I’m still kinda lost in the haze of Turbobuns.

Managers of the week:  Plaxico’s Thighs, Emma’s Peachs, The Bobbum Men,  Only Foles rush in, Leather and Lacy - The Pointening.  You guys contributed to it.  It was weird, it was hot, now let’s never talk about it again.

Managers of the weak:  Everyone else. While they contributed to what could only be described as this season’s “shower scene”, you guys were fumbling around with mediocrity and normalcy.  Feel bad, regroup, and show us next week you have the cojones to get soapy!